Mystery Dungeon: Dawn and Dusk {Chapter Two Is Up!}

This is a new fanfic I just started. Read, enjoy, and comment. Reviews are always welcome!

Darkrai clamped his two pitch-black hands together, and created a huge dark pulse from them both. He saved up in his hands, ready for when something horrendously bad. He stared up at the dull roof above his head, noticing a small creature climbing across. It was an innocent Caterpie, searching for something to pass the time for a few hours. Darkrai used his dark pulse on the Caterpie, burning it to a crisp. “Bingo.”

The door threw open, leaving Darkrai to immediately check out what was wrong. “Come in, stranger.” He waited for a few moments, then his anger caught up with him again. “I SAID COME IN!!”

The stranger scurried in, and then gulped nervously, facing Darkrai on the other side of the huge room. “Umm… Master Darkrai?” He lightly placed a note on Darkrai’s smooth, wooden desk. “T-t-this is for you, sir.”

“Oh.” He turned the note round swiftly, so he could read it for himself. “It’s in a Jynx language, is it not? I’ll read it. ‘The death of Arceus the Great is a mystery that has been left unanswered for years. Who killed Arceus? Why kill Arceus? People have not been given the answers to the these questions. However, I have left a page notifying how to find the correct answers. This…’ ” The rest of the note was torn. Even the last sentence was remarkably hard to read. “Do you know where the page is left?”

“N-no, sir.” The stranger placed another note on the desk. “However, sir, t-this shows where to find it.”

Darkrai read the second note slowly, tracing his finger across. “It’s a riddle!” He read it to himself again in his mind, then read it out loud. “ ‘Where the flowers flow, the birds sing, where tree pokemon see, the answer will be.’ Wait a minute… ah! I’ve got it!”

“W-what place is it, sir?”

Darkrai stood up, and shouted rather loudly. “WHERE THE FLOWERS FLOW, WHERE THE BIRDS SING, WHERE TREE POKEMON SEE, THE ANSWER WILL BE! IT’S A FIELD! IT’S GRACEFUL FIELD! Don’t you get it? Where the flowers flow, where the birds, where the tree pokemon see!”

“Mr. Stranger… we’re about to find out the answers!”




Cyndaquil knocked the oak door loudly, the orange fire on his back blazing loudly. He knocked again, hoping that someone would at least open the door this time. He knocked once more, this time his temper growing to a very big size. “Come on, open the door! If I wait any longer, my arms will fall off! Come on, come on!!” The door finally opened this time. A tall figure appeared on the doorway. “Um, leader?”

Lucario breathed down Cyndaquil’s chest madly. “Yes? What is it, littl’un? Let me guess… you want to start a team, and help out Master Darkrai find the secrets of Arceus’s death… right?”

“Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! I want to start a huge exploration team, so that me and all of the members alongside me, can help out Master Darkrai find out the secret of Arceus’s death.” He got bad feelings from Lucario’s look on his face. “I can start a team, can’t I?”

“Yes.” He started to walk back into his office. “That is it, isn’t it? You’re not going to commit suicide, are you?” He started laughing, at his own stupid joke. He wiped his arm against his face, covered in gooey drool. “That’s fine. Except how are you going to get any members? There aren’t any availible.”

“I’ll just recruit one in a mission!” His bright blue eyes turned into cute, blue eyes. “Please please please please?”

“Oh, alright.” Lucario pointed to a wooden board, with letters scattered over it everywhere. “Just choose a mission from there. Quickly, child!”

Cyndaquil slowly walked over to the board. He looked over it to find a good mission. “Ooo, ooo! This is a good one! ‘Dear Reader. I was walking through Graceful Field, and I saw a Chikorita laying on the ground. I didn’t have the qualifications to rescue her, so could you do that job? Thank you in advance. From Mareep.’ ”

~GRACEFUL FIELD~

Cyndaquil walked through the green field, looking for the lost Chikorita. He noticed all the Murkrow cawing and laughing at him in the tall, elegant trees. “Shut up, will you?” He continued walking, finally getting to the centre. He looked around to search for the Chikorita. “Nope, nothing. Chikorita, where on earth are you?” A hand tapped on Cyndaquil’s shoulder. “Please, go away. I’m on a miss-” He jumped straight into the air. “Holy crap!”

“Don’t be scared, little buddy.” Chikorita gazed happily at Cyndaquil. “My name’s Chiko. What’s your name, littl’un?”

“LITTL’UN? I’m no littl’un. I’m on a mission to save… you!?” He gasped in amazement. “But you’re not struggling!” He checked Chiko again to see if she was alright. “You’re not lost! You’re-”

“Trying to solve the secret of Arceus’s death! You see…” She showed an old note to Cyndaquil, only for it to be stolen by a nearby Zangoose.

“We’ll take that!” Zangoose said, his rough hair blowing in the wind.

Seviper appeared behind Zangoose. “That solves the secret of Arceus’s death! Exactly why we must steal it!”

“See you at the end of that cave, loser!!!” Zangoose and Seviper ran into the cave at the other side of the huge field.

“Come on, Cyndaquil!”

“Go where? You don’t mean chase them!”

“Yep!” Chiko ran into the cave, dragging Cyndaquil along with her. “Let’s go!”

To be continued…

Next time:

What? A cave? How on earth are Cyndaquil and Chiko going to get to Zangoose and Seviper? Find out in Chapter Two: Cyndaquil, You The Man!

Okay, that was kind o' strange. I don't know what to make of it yet. Also, don't give a whole, 'next time,' thing, it ruins the plot of the next chapter. I can't really get the character's emotions, except the seviper, Zangoose, who are clearly thieves. But I thought they hate each other. Hopefully, things will get cleared up in a next chapter.

Ratings
Character Emotions 5/10 Not much yet.
Plot 7/10 A Plot for a really good fic is there.
Setting 5/10 Um, how did he just magically get to the fields? Did he use a magic portal?
Length 7/10 Pretty good for a first chapter, make it a little bit longer later on.

Over All
6/10

Darkrider wrote:Okay, that was kind o' strange. I don't know what to make of it yet. Also, don't give a whole, 'next time,' thing, it ruins the plot of the next chapter. I can't really get the character's emotions, except the seviper, Zangoose, who are clearly thieves. But I thought they hate each other. Hopefully, things will get cleared up in a next chapter.

Ratings
Character Emotions 5/10 Not much yet.
Plot 7/10 A Plot for a really good fic is there.
Setting 5/10 Um, how did he just magically get to the fields? Did he use a magic portal?
Length 7/10 Pretty good for a first chapter, make it a little bit longer later on.

Over All
6/10

@Emotions- Yes, I couldn't really reveal the emotions of the characters because there weren't many there, and it would ruin the whole idea of surprise. Believe me, I'll reveal more about Cyndaquil and Chikorita's feelings next chapter.

@Plot- I've sort of planned out the plot for the whole fanfic. Of course, I'm not going to spoil it, and after the whole Arceus arc, there'll be a whole new arc.

@Setting- It's just a trick of mine to get to a new place in the first chapter of a fanfic.

@Length- Once again, later chapters will be at least 4 pages (Micro Word) wise.

Chiko and Cyndaquil slowly walked into the huge cave’s entrance, hoping to find Zangoose and Seviper, who stole something from them, soon. ‘I hope will find those thieves soon…’ Chiko thought to herself, and then turned to Cyndaquil. “I think we’ll see those horrible thieves within the next thirty minutes.” She turned her head 360 degrees, checking to see if Zangoose and Seviper where near them. “Or, at least, I hope we will.”

Cyndaquil laughed to himself, and then looked back at Chiko. “You hope?” He stopped walking, to focus mainly on the conversation he was having with Chiko. “Of course we’ll find them.” They started walking, once again. “I mean, you shouldn’t think like that. How do you think Arceus felt when he started his last day before he died?” This time, Cyndaquil was obviously serious. “He wouldn’t worry that he was about to die. He didn’t even know that he would die.”

A confused look started to spread all over Chiko’s face. “And your point is, Cyndaquil?” She suddenly remembered something. “Oh, and I almost forgot- you still haven’t told me your name.”

Cyndaquil stood under a red lantern on the cave’s wall, and then sighed. “My point is that you shouldn’t spend your entire life thinking something bad will happen.” He pointed his finger at a purple-black Zubat feeding it’s chicks on the roof of the rocky cave. “That Zubat, for example, wouldn’t think that the ceiling would collapse, would it?”

Chiko thought to herself again. ‘Isn’t he ever going to tell me what his name is? Geez. It’s only a name.’ “Come on, Cyndaquil!” Cyndaquil stared at Chiko, like he didn’t know what on earth was happening. “Aren’t you going to tell me what your name is ???”

“My name?” Cyndaquil laughed to himself again. “I don’t know, Chiko. I’m an orphan, you see. Or at least, I was an orphan.”

Chiko laughed to herself, and then faced Cyndaquil, trying to keep herself from giggling again. ‘I know! I’ll give him a nickname! Let’s see… I’ve got it! I’ll call him Blaze Dude!’ Chikorita looked down at the ground, kicking a rough pebble along the grit. “Cyndaquil, as you don’t have a name, I’ve got a brilliant nickname for you! I’ll call you Blaze Dude!” Tears started slowly dripping down Cyndaquil’s face. “Blaze Dude? W-why are you crying?”

Cyndaquil looked up at Chiko, watery tears still falling down his cheeks. He kept on crying, and then wiped away his tears with his paw. “It’s just that… no-one has properly loved me before!” He cleared away more tears from his face, and then suddenly cheered up again. “Come on, Chiko! Let’s catch those thieves!”

“I’ve got ya, Blaze Dude! I’ve got ya…”

~MAIN PIT, GRACEFUL FIELD~

Seviper wrapped his tail around the piece of paper that he and Zangoose had stolen from Cyndaquil and Chiko. The paper was already covered in drool that Seviper dripped over it. “We were really lucky to find this, Zangoose! Really, really lucky!”

Zangoose picked the paper up from the floor, and then drooled over it again. His razor-sharp claws shined so much you could fry an egg with it. “We didn’t find it, Seviper. We STOLE it.”

“Ya. I hear you.”

~BACK AT THE GUILD~

Lucario stepped through the main room of the guild, checking if everyone was doing their correct work. He immediately saw Croagunk stirring a huge pot filled with some kind of purple liquid. “Mmm… looks nice. Is it a soup, or something?” Of course, He was being sarcastic. He then walked over to Chimecho, who was ticking a checklist or something. “Who’s our newest member, Miss Chimecho?”

Chimecho’s glorious yellow eyes seemed to turn into huge heart-shaped eyes. She obviously had a crush on Lucario. “The most recent member was a Duskull, sir. He scared the life out of me.” She showed a picture of the Duskull to Lucario, and then placed it back into her own tail. “His name is Dusky. I know that you won’t get scared of him, but…”

“Thank you, Chimecho.” Lucario continued patrolling the guild. “I’ll treat him with care.” Lucario climbed up the high ladder, and then crawled into the ‘Job Zone’. He immediately noticed a fight happening. It was a Nidorino fighting a Nidorina. “Stop fighting, stop fighting!”

~MEANWHILE, BACK AT GRACEFUL FIELD…~

Chiko continued walking through the cave, followed by an annoyed Cyndaquil. ‘This cave is so fantastic! Of course, Blaze Dude won’t hear me say that, but anyway! I wonder where those two thieves are?’

“Chiko…” Chiko wasn’t answering. This time Cyndaquil was really annoyed. ‘Is Chiko deaf or something? Either that, or she’s asleep.’ “Chiko, wake up! Chiko!! Chiko, are you deaf or something!?”

Chiko suddenly faced Cynadquil. “Yes? What is it, Blaze Dude?” ‘What is it with this guy?’ “I guess you don’t like it when I think, right?”

“Well, yes, but I’m not talking about that.” There was a forked path leading from where the adventurous pair stood. The left pathway led to a dark and gloomy place, with water drip-dropping ever so quickly. The right pathway was brighter, but it seemed scarier somehow. Cyndaquil faced Chiko, they both nodded, and then they both started following down the left tunnel.

BOOM! A huge, shaking explosion occurred in the deepest part of the cave. Chiko turned to face her fiery friend, nodded, and ran down the passage, trying to find out what on earth had happened. The green leaf on her head swayed from left to right, just as he suddenly stopped, noticing a great hole in the wall. ‘What the?’ She thought, poking her head through. There was nothing there, except the bright blue ocean that surrounded the cave on the far side.

‘I have so got to tell Blaze Dude about this!’ Chiko ran started to run back to Cyndaquil, hoping to tell him what she had just discovered. “Holy-” A huge, rocky wall had been left where she had to go through to meet her friend again. ‘When did this happen!?’ She thought to herself, as she shouted to her friend nervously. “Blaze Dude!!!” She shouted again. “Blaze Dude!!!” Cyndaquil always responded to that nickname. Why not now?
“Chiko!” This time he had answered back- but the voice didn’t sound like it normally did. “Umm… Chiko, help me!” Whoever was mimicking Cyndaquil’s voice wasn’t really that convincing. “These two evil guys pushed loads of rocks here to make me unconscious! Please help, Diko! I mean Chiko!”

Even Chiko wasn’t that convinced. “If you’re really, truthfully Blaze Dude…” She tried to think of a good question to trick ‘Cyndaquil’. “You have to answer one question about you’re personal life! Is Blaze Dude you’re real name, true or false?”

The mimicker waited a moment, and then answered nervously. “True!” The mimicker felt like he was saying the right thing- but he certainly. “Yes, it’s true!”

“You – you imbeciles!” Leaves started swarming out of Chiko’s head. “I’m going to break that wall, and when I do, I and Cyndaquil are going to kick your ass, Zangoose and Seviper! KICK YOUR ASS! Razor Leaf!!!”

~MEANWHILE, AT THE GUILD~

Lucario lay flat out on his springy, soft bed. His eyes gently closed, as he slowly started to fall to sleep.

Lucario was now in his own dream. He turned his head so he could see to his left, and immediately saw his long lost mother. “M-mother? You died years ago! So why are you alive again?” His mother pointed her finger straight at Lucario, and then suddenly started running across the white void. “Don’t go, mother! You can’t leave me like this again, mother! No!”

The whole place that he was in suddenly got distorted, leaving Lucario to fall down a deep, deep pit. “Help!!!” He landed on something soft- something rather strange. “What the?” A huge scary face appeared in the sky, shouting something odd that only Lucario would ever understand, even after years of learning about the language. “No, father! I’m so, so sorry!” He fell down on his knees, begging. “I didn’t mean to kill mother!”

The face’s huge mouth opened, releasing his super – sharp fangs from his jaw. “Grragh!” The creature’s fist slammed down on the ground, urgently trying to squash Lucario. “Wrrumph! Frrgh!”

Lucario backed towards the far wall. He leaned onto it, but almost fell through it like a knife through butter. “I tried my best, father!” This time, when the fist slammed, down, Lucario was almost the new victim. “I didn’t mean for her to die! I tried my hardest to keep mother alive!”

Lucario backed even further, but this time he fell through the wall. He hanged onto the edge with his bare hand. “Please, father! Keep me alive!” The monster got even closer to Lucario, growling at him again and again, just like a broken record. “I’m your son! Why on earth would you kill your son?”

The monster slammed his fist again, this time hitting Lucario. He hit so hard that Lucario even started falling from the floor. “Help!!! Help me!” He fell down the pit, which seemed as deep as the blue ocean. He hit a floor hard, about to fall unconscious, starting to forget about the horrible dream he was having.

“Lucario!” It was a woman like voice this time. “Lucario! Lucario…”

Chimecho was floating next to Lucario’s blood red bed. “Wake up, Lucario!” Chimecho spent nearly every moment of her life flirting with Lucario, probably trying to get his attention. For some reason, all the girls went for Lucario. “We’ve got a letter from Darkrai, sir.” She passed the letter to her new ‘boyfriend’. “I haven’t read it, sir.”

“Please, just call me Luke.” He opened the letter up, and started reading it confidently. “ ‘Dear Lucario Guild. I, Darkrai of Dusk and Dawn Company, have written this letter to you to say that I want your best team to help me out. I would want you to send the team to me, so that we together can discover the meaning of Arceus’s death. Contact me when you have the team ready. Best regards, Darkrai.’ I’ve already got my mind on the team!”

Suddenly Chimecho got into more of an excited mood than an unhappy mood. “Who will it be, sir, uh, I mean Lucario?”

“The team?” Lucario flipped a photo from his desk. The picture showed a Loppuny, Wigglytuff and Jynx dancing together. “This team, Chimecho. ‘Team Resort’.” He placed the photo back on the table again. “Of course, they may not agree with me, so I have of course got a second choice.” Chimecho stared at Lucario blankly- that kind of ‘please, please tell me’ look. “But, I’m not going to reveal the name of that team just yet.”

“Please tell me, Lucario!” Chimecho grasped Lucario’s soft hands in her silky, long tail. “I’ll be your friend!”

Lucario gained a curious look on his face. “I thought I was always your friend?” He raised his eyebrow sarcastically. “But I know your kidding. One of the members of the team is a Cyndaquil. And I think the second member is a Chikorita…”

To be continued…

Okay, I want to know, why is Blaze Dude annoyed? I like how you have different points of view, and how you included them in the exploration or whatever. But I think it is a little to early for that, it could have been a huge surprise when they returned.

RATINGS

Plot 7/10 You could have had a major surprise, when they returned.
Length 7/10 It was much longer than last time.
Character Development 5/10 I'm still having trouble reading their emotions.
Setting 9/10 I LOVED how you had 3 points of veiw, you never see that in a story.



OVER ALL RATING
7/10

Darkrider wrote:

RATINGS

Plot 7/10 You could have had a major surprise, when they returned.
Length 7/10 It was much longer than last time.
Character Development 5/10 I'm still having trouble reading their emotions.
Setting 9/10 I LOVED how you had 3 points of veiw, you never see that in a story.



OVER ALL RATING
7/10

@Plot- Well, I've got an even bigger surprise coming your way. Let me just say... nobody really can trust Dakrai.

@Length- Thanks. I'm hoping to do four pages for each chapter now.

@Crtr Dlpmnt- That's one I've never been good at.

@Setting- Thanks. I thought it was a break from having one or two people in it.